He's Here!

Yesterday, I sat in the back of the church. That’s not where I usually sit.

I like sitting in the front.

I enjoy seeing the altar as it’s being prepared, taking it all in.

Not just the motions, but the reverence.

I love watching the priest handle everything with such care, such intention.

It's beautiful. Sacred. It calms me.

But this morning, before Mass, I had gone to confession, and the back pews are closest to the confessional.

So, I stayed there.

Quietly. A little teary. Still feeling the weight of things I couldn’t quite name.

I kneeled.

The Rosary was being said. Of course, I know that means the Monstrance containing the Holy Eucharist is present on the altar, but for some odd reason, I wasn’t thinking about that.

And from way in the back of the church, I couldn’t quite see.

The altar felt far.

The details, the candles, the gold, were blurry.

Still, I stayed kneeling, surrounded by soft murmurs and my own quiet ache.

And then…

I looked up.

Squinted.

And there He was.

There, in the Monstrance.

Still. Radiant. Waiting.

And before I could form a single polished thought, something deep within me responded:

He's here! He's here!

My heart leapt.

It’s one thing to KNOW that God is present, but to unexpectedly NOTICE Him… well…

I. Was. Struck.

It was like my soul had just spotted Someone it loved.

Of course, that unexpected elation caught me by surprise.

How immediate the joy was!

Like my heart remembered something my head had glossed over.

Am I sleepwalking most of the time?

I wonder why I don’t always feel that way.

Why am I not always taken aback when I see Him?

Why did it take confession, or distance, or an unfamiliar angle to remind me of what I already know?

The truth is, He is always here.

Even when I’m sitting in the back.

Even when the details are blurred.

Even when I’m too tired or distracted to remember right away.

Even when I can't see or feel Him.

He's here.

In the beauty.

In the reverence.

In the ritual.

In the daily.

In the mundane.

In the minutia.

And yesterday morning, when I looked up through the blur and saw Him,

my soul responded the ONLY way it knew how:

He's here! He's here!

And the JOY was palpable.