In Black and White

Change.

I have changed.

You have changed.

Come to think of it, maybe it isn’t actually change, it’s growth.

Let’s try this again.

I have grown.

You have grown.

Yeah.

That sounds better.

Life goals should not include spending years in stagnation.

Still, something hits me every now and then.

Do you ever think about the many versions of you that exist simultaneously?

I do.

The busy holidays, all the faces and conversations, made me realize how many versions of me (and you) are still hanging around out there.

From seemingly insignificant interactions to lifelong relationships, a version of you and me exists with every person we’ve ever known.

Strange to think of that, right?

In a few versions, I’m current.

The me I know now.

But sometimes I’m stuck in someone else’s mental scrapbook like a cracked and faded black-and-white photo.

Ever tried to change someone else’s mental scrapbook?

Ain’t happening.

Maybe surrender is trusting God with the version I can change, and the versions I cannot.

That’s easier said than done.

If we’re lucky enough to be remembered, people we know, or have known, will have a story about us.

Understandable.

Some of those stories will make us cringe, laugh, or stick out our little chests with pride.

Then other people may have stories where we’re the black-hat-wearing villain, the lunatic, the rude one.

But as we stand firmly in the now, we may want to believe that the old versions of us are buried under the wisdom of age, the winds of change, and the progress of growth.

Yet, we’re mistaken.

Although our minds say that was the past, our former selves are alive and well in the people we’ve known.

So, what does that mean?

It just means we won't be fully understood by everyone.

Not because we failed, but because no one, other than Him, holds our entire story.

Others only have a chapter of us in their hands.

Maybe it’s three pages.

Maybe it’s as thick as Moby Dick.

Either way, all we can do is live with integrity, apologize when we miss the mark, and keep going and growing.

And it also means we can’t expect the past to update itself.

It ain’t gonna happen.

And we have to make peace with that.

We’re allowed to be new.

Even if someone else only remembers the old.

Because I’d rather be misunderstood than unchanged.

How about you?